honey bunches of taint.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
