Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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