Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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