Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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