I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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