I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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