dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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