i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
not ubering you a puppy
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
