just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
