I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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