oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize