in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
