just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
