as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
