She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
