he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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