So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
