This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
