Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
