I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize