I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
