Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
