There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
