the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I want her autograph on my taint
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
