i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
