OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
