so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
