ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
