Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
