and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
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