He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
