News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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