i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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