I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
