i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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