youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I forget how to act sober
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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