your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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