Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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