You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the condom got lost in my hair
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
