I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
