walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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