You were right. It hurts to walk today.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
