i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
