Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
