Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
