Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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