I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Houston, we have a squirter
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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