the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
