I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
