Will you blow on my dice?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
