he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
