the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
