ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
