Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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