you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
