is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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