Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
