he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
