I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
