His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
