Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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