Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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