he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
