Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
3pm strippers are depressing
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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