I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
