The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
