I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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