ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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