i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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