just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
