i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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