I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
