So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
