...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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