Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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