I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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