We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
