The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
