remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
