You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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