So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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