Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
