Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I want to have your abortion
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
