I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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