shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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