don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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