I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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