I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize