Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
