i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize