It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
