Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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