Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
