If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
