my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
