it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
