All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
