K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize