Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
