if i died would you start the facebook group?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
