Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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